Going through a divorce is a seismic shift for every member of the family. It is important that you understand how happiness, anger and frustration and other strong emotions can almost simultaneously exist inside you. There are times when you may be very happy and times when you are plunged into despair. Remember that a divorce is a fundamental loss and the loss happens on many levels. The emotions will also happen on many levels.
It is important to be able to understand your moods and emotions, and to be able to move through them. This is not the same as disregarding them or stuffing them down. Scientists have recognized that there are 6 primary emotions: happy, surprised, afraid, disgusted, anxious and sad. There are lots of variations of these, but when you are feeling a STRONG emotion, try to identify it. Try to realize why you may be feeling that strongly. Sometimes when an emotion is very strong, it is linked to a powerful memory from earlier in our life. Your ex may disregard you when you are trying to communicate, which may be a pattern that happened between you and your father when you were a child. So, you will have a heightened and sometimes exaggerated response when your ex continues to do this. Think about other times when you may have felt this strong emotion. Then visualize putting that emotion on a cloud and watching it drift away. Understand that powerful emotions may grip you at times, but you can be a strong person and gain control of these emotions as you work through this process.
When you are able to gain control of your emotions, you can act instead of always reacting to situations. It is important to realize that you have the power to control yourself - especially when your ex is trying to provoke you. Don’t give away your power by allowing others to control you. You can work to take the steps to learn how to control yourself.
