THE KIDS WILL BE ALL RIGHT!

Whenever there are children involved in a divorce, you are stuck with the other parent for the rest of your lives. Whether you like it or not, you will need to figure out how to cooperate and collaborate with this person for the sake of your children. It is generally a good idea to start out by making concrete parenting plans with as many details spelled out as possible. This not only helps the children know what to expect in the future, it also avoids potential conflicts from arising at times when the children are around. Keeping the conflict to a minimum, especially around children is an important goal in post-divorce parenting. Making these agreements in the early stages of divorce can be difficult. Utilizing professional help in these earlier stages may be necessary and worthwhile to move the process forward.

These parenting plans may need to be modified and altered as the children grow and change. It is often a good idea to incorporate a plan to review these agreements on a regular basis, depending on the ages and stages of development of your children’s lives. For example, younger children often need shorter times and more frequent transitions between their parents, while teens may want longer stretches of time with each parent and fewer transitions.


You can make it work so THE KIDS WILL BE ALL RIGHT!

Benefits of Journaling

The process of putting your thoughts and feelings on (virtual) paper can be many.

Journaling and private self reflection have proven emotional and health benefits. Not surprisingly, keeping track of your feelings and thoughts helps you sort through your own inner wisdom and effectively plan ahead. The act of writing down your thoughts not only airs out your feelings, it also makes things more coherent. It provides you with a narrative, an ongoing documented journey, you can refer to later on. The Divorceworks app provides you with a place to sort out your feelings, thoughts and directs you to actions that help take care of your self and those in your life who may depend on you.

When to Seek Help

Divorceworks App is a great source of comfort and will help you navigate the difficult waters of this sea change. However, here are some indications when you might need to seek professional help:

1. If you have been feeling sad and helpless for a long time despite help from friends and family and your own efforts.
   
2. If you have been unable to concentrate or function at work at the same level as you used to.
   
3. If you find yourself overwhelmed with anxiety and worry about the future.
   
4. If you find yourself indulging in self-destructive behaviors like drinking too much, abusing drugs or prescription medicine, or getting into fights with others.
   
5. If you are sleeping significantly more or are unable to sleep.
   
6. If you have a weight loss or gain that is alarming to yourself or others.
   
7. If you find that you are using your children as a confidant or expecting them to be your primary means of social contact.
   
8. If you are having thoughts of self harm or harm to others.

Emotional Journey of Divorce

Going through a divorce is a seismic shift for every member of the family. It is important that you understand how happiness, anger and frustration and other strong emotions can almost simultaneously exist inside you. There are times when you may be very happy and times when you are plunged into despair. Remember that a divorce is a fundamental loss and the loss happens on many levels. The emotions will also happen on many levels. 

It is important to be able to understand your moods and emotions, and to be able to move through them. This is not the same as disregarding them or stuffing them down. Scientists have recognized that there are 6 primary emotions: happy, surprised, afraid, disgusted, anxious and sad. There are lots of variations of these, but when you are feeling a STRONG emotion, try to identify it. Try to realize why you may be feeling that strongly. Sometimes when an emotion is very strong, it is linked to a powerful memory from earlier in our life. Your ex may disregard you when you are trying to communicate, which may be a pattern that happened between you and your father when you were a child. So, you will have a heightened and sometimes exaggerated response when your ex continues to do this. Think about other times when you may have felt this strong emotion. Then visualize putting that emotion on a cloud and watching it drift away. Understand that powerful emotions may grip you at times, but you can be a strong person and gain control of these emotions as you work through this process. 

When you are able to gain control of your emotions, you can act instead of always reacting to situations. It is important to realize that you have the power to control yourself - especially when your ex is trying to provoke you. Don’t give away your power by allowing others to control you. You can work to take the steps to learn how to control yourself.